People - my family, my closest friends - all encourage me by telling me that I'm strong. But the truth is, I am not. I am probably the complete opposite of "strong". I'm weak, I am unconfident, I'm uncomfortable in my own skin, and I am possibly the most insecure person you could ever meet. That is, if you have the chance to meet me, because I prefer to keep to myself most of the time even though being by myself makes me feel even more insecure.

Maybe it's just me, maybe other people feel the same as well. On the outside I look perfectly fine, perfectly okay and happy. But on the inside I am struggling with so many things, things I'm ashamed to share with others because my problems seem so trivial, but I struggle with them nevertheless. I am an emotional wreck, and I cry every time something becomes too overwhelming, but only when I'm alone. Nowadays it doesn't take much to make me feel overwhelmed; even simple tasks that I've done many times before can make me feel inadequate and overwhelmed.

Have I become weaker? Have I lost my sense of pride? I think having that stomach problem contributed to this somehow. I've lost confidence in myself and I don't think there's any way I can gain it back without pushing myself out of my comfort zone. I worry way too much about pretty much nothing and end up breaking down. But thank you to all those people out there who've helped me in one way or another - through calls or messages or just small phrases of encouragement, I've really needed them and I appreciate every single one even if I didn't respond to some of you.

I'll be okay. I'll grow stronger again over time, I'm sure God is with me to support me and He's given me so many supportive friends to help bring me through. Thank you. xx