I've never been a fan of my own birthday. I love celebrating others' birthdays - planning, surprising my friends - but I don't exactly love being under the spotlight myself. Probably another thing that has changed about me; I used to like being the centre of attention, of being the one everyone's eyes are on. But over the years I've realised that not much good comes out of it, especially since there are so many others out there who deserve the attention way more than I do. For instance, I was so keen on becoming the president for my CCA back in high school and JC, that when I got it in high school I was so happy I almost cried and when I didn't get it in JC I almost cried. But then I did such a bad job in high school and in JC I felt so comfortable not being under the spotlight. So now I prefer to stay in the background. Now when someone asks me to run for Hall Council president next AY I just cringe at the thought and my immediate answer is "no". But I digress.

It's by default in our culture that on your birthday you're under the spotlight. This year I spent my birthday in school and it was celebrated twice. But the one celebration at midnight was way too overwhelming and then I just spent my whole birthday crying at least 3 times until it became night time. I didn't even go for any of my lessons that day and now I'm probably way behind.

I'm not saying I didn't love the celebration - I appreciated every single person involved in it, and I was so touched that my closest friends came down all the way to my school at midnight. I thank everyone for planning and executing the celebration for me. :) But I haven't been under the spotlight for so long that it's become so difficult for me to get used to it again. And so the anxiety attacks ensued.

Only one year older - but definitely a very different person.